July 2009
27 posts
I use myself as bait, thinking I can trick this mosquito out of hiding. But I’m too slow and frustrated, as it grows stronger while feeding.
After every station, the man in cowboy boots and aviators undid a button. The lady sitting across sighed, relieved it was a short trip.
His routine is the courtyard morning, the balcony in daylight and the fountain just before dusk. Took me a year to get it right. Him longer.
As I handed the cash deposit, the water spout overflowed near the entrance. ‘Did I mention it comes with a pool?’ asked the super.
I followed his hypnotic muscles to the vitamin aisle. He turned, and I casually grabbed the closest item, suppositories.
‘Rain’s coming,’ she yelled across the Delaware. Our raft packed, we headed for the open road, missing our oars in the torrential downpour.
‘Yes,’ she whispered on the Highline and they kissed, crushing the long stemmed rose between his belly and her baby bump.
Checking male, 25-29, we wrote in, ‘Jamie Lee Curtis is turning in her grave,’ ‘Stop casting Mrs. Rob Zombie,’ and ‘Weird Al saved the day.’
You wake an hour, half an hour, and ten minutes before time, fearing your new alarm clock won’t ring. It is, in fact, most effective.
The old lady hit me with the broom when I didn’t tie the bag right. ‘Can I see the apartment now?’ I asked. She spat. ‘Already rented.’
Short, tan and beautiful made her round at the bar. ‘Nuh uh,’ she said to an ugly guy. He persisted, lifting the toilet paper from her shoe.
The mist fizzles in the heat, steaming up as the rain starts falling. All it reaches is an awning, then the thunder claps it back down.
The kid dropped his MTA card. ‘Let me,’ said the pregnant woman as she bent down. They smiled the entire ride. He never offered his seat.
He ran fast as he could away from the girl, grabbed the nearest stranger and asked, ‘Is it a bad omen when a pigeon dies in front of you?’
When he wrote down her license plate number, she turned the car around, changing her accidental hit and run into near vehicular homicide.
Annoyed the restaurant didn’t offer him chopsticks, he sighed, poured the ketchup and dipped the lo mein in by hand.
The tired mother asked if she could place her groceries on the back of his electric Go Kart. He responded with a rev and a kick in the shin.
She led her kids out of the bus then turned to me. ‘I hope you choke on your own spit, asshole.’ The doors closed with her still inside.
Walking home, she felt the wind rush through the grates and chanelled Marilyn Monroe, except in full burqha, leggings and a camouflage slip.
Dressed to impress, but not much else. ‘Did you know,’ she said, ‘Like some time around 12:30 today the time and dates go from one to ten?’
He steadied his prosumer camera as the 7 train ascended overground, causing much grief moments later when the train stopped. Grown men cry.
From the dialtones I guessed his password. One new; twelve saved. From his wife I’m guessing none. At least none that he kept.
‘Paddle!’ yelled the instructor, wildly gesturing. The kid held the paddle aloft, copied the movements in the air and drifted farther away.
The police chopper shined their lights at our west village rooftop, then promptly flew away, as we were neither terrorists nor big breasted.
I flipped the bacon while the construction men worked on the building’s facade. Had they not waken me with their jackhammer, I’d offer some.
On her way back into the bar, her wig caught hold of the exit sign. She fell backwards in her flip flops, without the hair.
The old golden retriever tried in vain to get back up. ‘Good try,’ said his equally ancient owner as he pulled the dog and his own pants up.
My Facebook account has been deactivated for impersonating Charles Dickens. At least it can never again suggest I make friends with my exes.