September 2008
28 posts
I asked her if I should get a bigger bed. ‘It’s cheaper if you just lose some weight,’ she said. Spoken like a true JP Morgan Chase rep.
On our way to the airport, he said, ‘I know what you’re blogging about tonight,’ referring to the woman who urinated before us in the park.
We held our hands throughout the cab ride, as we escaped the Asianless Chinatown, with the radio blasting Christian rock. God bless DC.
She looked around the Delta Shuttle to DC. Cell phones; a stewardess in make up; and two gays to her right. What is the world coming to?
I reached the Woolworth building for my 1st photo class, but delayed by a guy in a suit who handed me his DSLR, asking me to take a picture.
Regarding yesterday’s entry, I told him that I realized that I missed a period. ‘But I just don’t care.’ ‘Just like Bristol Palin,’ he said.
The retired hardware store owner told me to hold on while his replacement stood still w/ the handleless broom. I eventually got my key done
I wonder how many years of therapy it’ll take for him to forget the difference between the toilet and public pantwetting was only 5 seconds.
Despite my laborious efforts I was rapidly dinged off the stage of the Manhattan adult spelling bee because I didn’t know Oxytocia had no S.
Queuing for the Superman ride on gay day at Six Flags, we chanted ‘Kick them out!’ at the 3 angry lesbians who cut the line. Blood was shed.
Suze Orman’s bestselling book, Women & Money, finishes with her asking ‘What’s your name?’ much like how most of my dates usually end.
All you NYC followers should come out this Sunday night and watch me read on stage at the Bowery Poetry Club for http://www.suluseries.org
Tonight, I opened my apartment door and found a fitter, smarter, and much more shirtless version of me in guise of a prospective roommate.
‘Can we take the R to Grand Central?’ they asked in their Euro accent. ‘No. And this side goes to Queens.’ But they waited on in disbelief.
‘Can you spare a cigarette?’ he asked. ‘I’m sorry. I only smoke after sex,’ replied Michael.
‘What is that light in the sky?’ He asked. ‘Is it another 9/11 memorial?’ I looked up. ‘You mean the moon?’
While picking up my complimentary Pleasure Chest t-shirt, I was cut in line. ‘Has my Hitachi Magic Wand replacement come in yet?’ she asked.
He tried to exit on 49th, but didn’t plan on his handtruck to break. He flung the box out, missing a woman who yelled, ‘Chill out, asshole!’
Every haircut, Riccardo teaches me a new word. ‘Lascia le basette lunghe,’ I said. ‘Guarda, Benny. my friend parla Italiano migliore di te.’
The secret to a restful weekend, apparently, is a slow gas leak from your new apartment’s stove. At least I got to meet a cute fire fighter.
I managed to make life miserable for the most cheerful Muslim cashier by making her ring all my bacon and kielbasa in the middle of Ramadan.
We gather here tonight to mourn the death of Sanyo Katana II. We were both made in Indonesia, but my American shelflife’s apparently longer.
The guy one line down leaned back to my cashier as she rang up my purchases. ‘I’m a doctor,’ he said. ‘And I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’
The wine bill and the conversational dust had settled. We moved on from speaking about his Porsche. That’s when our host stood up and left.
I held the lift open for some time, but as soon as I let go she rushed in. Her bad knee jammed in the doors. She fell as I went 1 flight up.
After the Doctor’s, I got dizzy from the blood draw. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said at a flustering meeting. ‘I lost my train of cock.’ We ended early.
You will call me Dwayne(duh-WAYne), hairdresser of the majestic cruise, bitch. Give me 50 for a cut, 50 more to make it look the way it was.
U-Haul gave us a truck after I begged. The old guy let us in one without lights, with loose mirrors, and with the key stuck in the ignition.