August 2008
27 posts
We spent a little over an hour separating balls by color while inside the ball pit, but when we stepped out to view our work, all was lost.
He earnestly asked, ‘So people are Asians & objects are Oriental, right?’ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘Asians are slants, and Asian things are slanty.’
Too lazy to pop the balloons, he decided to dispose of them in the trash. The garbage bag floated down West 4th st, with a trail of rubbish.
Grandma was clad in Yankees gear, save for the glove autographed by Damon. She had nothing else, except those things she had always wanted.
He was a foot shorter, but made up for it with an extended goodbye. Leaning forward for one last kiss, she then turned and redid her blouse.
‘I need a wheel chair,’ she said, and I laughed. Her look and her limp told me that wasn’t a joke. I rode the elevator an extra flight down.
When I described 2 Girls and a Cup, he replied, ‘What’s sad is there must be child molesters out there being absolutely disgusted by this.’
He introduced me, a perfect stranger, to the girl no one remembered. ‘Mary,’ she said, right when the band went quiet. Mission Accomplished.
I bought the third and fourth pitchers at the beer garden and they still didn’t have the nerves to talk to those girls. Until closing time.
Meet me by the Indonesian flag, I told him. A test of his knowledge and pride. 3 seconds later he messaged back, ‘Cunt.’
They were giving out free cat food on 34 st. The line of senior citizens stretched across two blocks, as sign of our current economic woes.
I thought nothing would beat the discomfort of my brother’s wiener dog humping my leg, until my little nephew called my mustache ‘handsome.’
When my suspenders got caught on the turnstile, I let my pants loose and inadvertently mooned an old baglady. She seemed extremely grateful.
Inspired by the Hawaii Obama spread, we began listing the hottest elected leaders of the world. My number one: shirtless Vladimir Putin.
The old man shook out the remaining ketchup onto his plate, licked the bottle and then twisted the cap back on. His wife watched in agony.
Half of Chinatown was protesting outside my work. I felt like such a traitorous gentrifier, entering while they chanted ‘Shame on you, NYU!’
‘This is my baby,’ she pointed out her folding bike, locked with a kryptonite. ‘Oh cool,’ I said. ‘Why lock it if you can unscrew it apart?’
I switched places with a girl on the train so she could sit with her boyfriend. She thanked me with an awkward squeeze. They stayed silent.
He popped open the beer on the 7 train and offered me his can of sardines. I shook my head. He shook an oily fish and sucked it to the bone.
A power nap may just be enough to soothe my nerves in anticipation of giving him the ‘Sympathy’ card crossed out to say ‘Happy Anniversary.’
The night sky lights amber with the coming thunderstorm. You can see the contour of each dark cloud among the stars. A perfect summer’s eve.
When I reached the house with the potted plants, I realized why he didn’t post photos. 800 a month. A room with no windows. ‘It’s New York.’
I paid the fruit vendor in quarters, & she returned my change a penny short. Looking up after I counted, her grin notioned I should move on.
Riccardo is back at Astor Haircuts, waited on by a line of shaggy men. The balding buzz, the silver combover, and me at 3, the bedless head.
Falling asleep for me is a race against time. I try again to nap at dawn, for the prospect of staying alert another day is keeping me awake.
We planned our Massachusetts wedding within hours of meeting, a small ceremony in the theme of ‘Missing Children.’ The song: Runaway Train.
‘Did you know that baby philosopher fossils are made of jello?’ asked my nephew. ‘But just the red ones.’ He reads way too much Wikipedia.