June 2008
31 posts
Escorted out of the club, we chanted, ‘Homophobes!’ I asked, ‘Did they really call you a fag?’ Yes, he said, ‘after I threw water on them.’
At the Adult Spelling Bee, Jen Dziura asked him to spell Dysphemism, ‘the opposite of euphemism, as in your father and your mother fucker.’
He followed me home without calling out my name for fear of mistaken identity, fastwalking mere feet behind me instead. I turned to rumble.
I was behaving for the president of my union, but blurted out I freelance on the side. ‘What kind of work?’ he asked me. ‘Mostly shirtless.’
I saw Heidi Klum yesterday according to the news. She bit into her ice cream when paparazzi pushed me aside. I recognize her only in pixels.
Him in the Armani Prive? Can’t get near him without an eyeroll, let alone to tell him that the back of his tailored suit was wet with paint.
They asked about my last visit, and I described 1994. I wonder if those dental students get extra credit for taking me on as their patient.
Two lesbians fighting. I walk away to let them talk it out, waiting awkwardly nearby to see if they’re going to make up tonight or tomorrow.
‘Hey ladies,’ he said jokingly. ‘Looking for a good time?’ One of the girls pulled out a kitchen knife. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Are you?’
He stood forever before the double doors, his popped collar getting in people’s way, staring at his own reflection until he saw me watching.
Interviewing for a PSA, they asked what it means to be gay and Asian. I responded, ‘It means I’m good at math, but I’m even better in bed.’
Her smile was never familiar, but always recognizable. I started to complain about life and my writing. Then I shut up, recalling her tumor.
They politely ordered an egg roll at the Hummus Place. ‘She’s very picky,’ explained the mom. ‘Can’t you please get us one from next door?’
The show sold out, so I claimed to be the director’s boyfriend. ‘His name?’ asked the receptionist ‘HER name is Chelsea.’ Didn’t believe me.
Despite my stochastic fretting, I failed out of 3 Pat Benatar Guitar Hero songs at the store. Then the kid next to me plugged in the guitar.
Dragged against my will to Gamestop, I plotted revenge on my straight roommate in the checkout. ‘Hon, Battle for AssGuard is on sale. Fabo!’
To shelter from the rain, we made burkhas out of trash bags, and then waited faithfully for hours for the promised taxi which never arrived.
The Lexus backed up from the 1 way street, & our natural instinct was to take our sweet ass time crossing. His own honking alerted the pigs.
To rid my guilt of taking a second lunch, he tells me: ‘If everyone hired does their job fully, we run out of work. We’re doing us a favor.’
They took turns posing atop the double decker tour bus, New York City serving as a mere backdrop for their MySpace/Facebook profile picture.
On this 100 degree morning my roommate www.amfmpm.org decided he needed to do his laundry naked. Photos are available to the highest bidder.
Tar is melting on the streets, causing the more sensitive car alarms to go off. This heat feeds my insomnia. I stare sleepless in the dark.
Thugged out in Rocawear the skinny one leaned in to the one in Fubu and bit his shoulder lovingly. They mistake my jealous stare as bigotry.
Twenty minutes into the film, it devolved into a full frontal B&W silent porn. I look away, only to catch the old guy next to me mid coitus.
He skipped down the street, the 200 lbs man, singing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles song to the tune of Carmen San Diego. ‘Gimme a break!’
The waitress told me they were closing soon. ‘But I’m looking for a friend,’ I said. ‘You can stop looking.’ She smiled & squeezed my belly.
‘Because I, a white female, obviously won’t vote for him if he weren’t partly white,’ she told us. ‘Oh god that was a bad joke. I misspoke.’
‘Act aloof. Guys will come up to you.’ I tried it when he went for a 2nd beer. ‘Sorry,’ said the guy next to me. ‘But your friend is cute.’
In a blue tieback gown, I got poked, prodded and photographed for science. I really didn’t mind until the nurse took a call mid catheter.
I explained to an Air Force vet they test for HPV by scrubbing your scrotum and w/ a digital(finger) exam. He smiled. ‘You got a boyfriend?’
Freshly soaked from the thunderstorm I snaked the crowded room of hipsters and femme fatales to find the only seat left was next to a celeb.