February 2008
24 posts
His cell rang The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly main title. ‘Leone at his best.’ ‘Yeah, I loved Mag 7,’ he replied, losing the old guy’s trust.
On trash days Mrs. Stephanopoulos goes jogging. She returns home several pounds heavier, her backpack overflowing with pilfered recyclables.
The taxi held up a blaring ambulance for her. She lifted her luggage over a puddle and asked, ‘Airport?’ He shook his head and drove away.
They officially broke up today at Joe’s on 6 & 12th at the advice of her therapist. ‘He thinks you should see other people,’ she said.
I always end up telling the cashier I don’t need plastic bags b/c I brought my own while she double bags my eggs & asks: ‘Credit or debit?’
‘Look, I can’t get there until 1.’ He hung up & shook his head. ‘I’m late for a threesome upstate.’ We played another 2 hours of Rock Band.
‘Well that’s rude!’ she said to the lady. ‘You could at least say excuse me, bitch.’ ‘Well excuse me,’ the lady elbowed her again. ‘Bitch.’
The Emeriti greet each other with shouting matches. ‘Still alive?’ ‘What?’ ‘How you doing?’ ‘Better than the alternative.’ ‘Huh? Speak up!’
The pinstripe yuppie brushed my collar and said,’You’re missing a scarf.’ I couldn’t flirt back since I lost my voice. So I rolled my eyes.
HR assured us the surveys are kept confidential. ‘Make sure to jot down suggestions!’ They hovered over us like vultures. We all circled 4s.
I’m guessing it’s still 4 hours until NYC, where there won’t be any toddler nephews, worrying moms or overweight drag queens to appease.
‘Grandma,’ said my 7yo nephew. ‘Let me borrow your rosary. Do you want to say a prayer?’ he asked me. I don’t envy his future therapy bills.
My coffee guy has a crush on the sushi waitress next doors. ‘But she’s mad at me,’ he told me, & had me deliver her a brown paper package.
My tits aren’t big enough for me to stay on the mechanical bull. Central Park’s ponds are frozen, but not the streams under the subway.
‘Just put it to the side,’ she spoke of his erection. She rubbed his knees. ‘Don’t worry. When it turns that color it means it’s healing.’
The big guy in the fur hat started sniffling. When he sneezed all over the tan Jersey boy with spikey hair, the snow turned into rain.
‘You’ve been late every day.’ 2 story rejections in a row. No word from schools. Job on the line. When I look forward to sleep I never can.
‘I’m from Boston,’ I said. The Salem dude leaned in, touching my thigh. ‘Why did you move to New York?’ He winked. ‘Oh, I’m a Giants fan.’
The law students protested the career fair by hanging a rainbow flag and wearing pink triangle pins to interviews with the Army recruiters.
‘I bit into this hard thing.’ The clatter of cup on saucer behind me. ‘I put it aside to show you but I can’t.’ She paid her check in tears.
The waiter & I spoke Indonesian. ‘I wish that happens to me,’ said my date. ‘What? No one’s approached you & spoke English before?’ I asked.
Yeah thanks lady. Instead of an ‘Are you OK?’ you just had to roll your eyes & laugh when that FedEx truck nearly ran me over. Didn’t you?
We wrestled first with his PS2. Then atop his fresh laundry in bed. He pinned me down under satin sheets. By his next move they were ruined.
The bear queen stood up to let the iPod diva sit down, but my backpack was too large, the space too small, and I had to steal the seat.