November 2008
30 posts
A table down, a man was having a heart attack. My father leaned over, taking pictures with his camera. He’s not getting that canon for Xmas.
‘With a moustache you look just like your father, but you’ve got your grandpa’s smile,’ said my mom. ‘One’s fat and the other was bald.’
My nephews were playing the Wii. ‘I’ll bang you good,’ said one. ‘You’re so flaming,’ said the other. Once again I’m to blame for the lingo.
A family of 5 left the bus in CT and never returned from the K-mart across the highway. Is Martha Stewart’s home collection really worth it?
Walking to work beneath heavy scaffolding in the rain makes me wish I had a polite umbrella like this one. http://tinyurl.com/yvawme
They changed their minds when their plates arrived. ‘I didn’t order this,’ she said. She continued without looking. ‘That’s not his either.’
Zen is relief on the toilet seat before noticing the last of the TP is at the bottom of the waste basket used to remove hair from the drain.
Their hands already against the wall, the cops demanded them higher. Every year this time in November, pigs go hungry for turkey.
I got home and found a three-man rock band in my living room. ‘Hello,’ said the lead singer of Draw into Disorder. ‘We come from Japan.’
‘My husband was yelling about what moron could lose those files,’ said my boss. ‘But I told him don’t you dare call my assistant a moron!’
Wall Street was overcrowded with business folks in coats over suits, gracious the 36 degree weather gave them a new topic to complain about.
‘Now here’s an experiment,’ said @candychang. ‘If you put a newborn Asian in a bubble, in fifteen years will it love Depeche Mode?’
‘Are you Tim?’ I mouthed across the room. ‘No,’ he mouthed back. ‘Bob.’ I repeated this with every boy in the room. They were all Bobs.
‘Soon you will have a home.’ ‘What was that?’ I asked. ‘Oh nothing,’ he said. ‘I was talking to my cd player.’
Drew Daniel of Matmos passed me, wheeling away his sound equipment from the bookstore. ‘Goodbye pretty pretty,’ he told me. Pure gay bliss.
During Spice Girls’ Wannabe, the frat boys realized the lady next to me was really a Mr. Lady and no longer wanted to slam their body down.
Bidding wars on the Lagerfeld clutch didn’t start until 5 minutes before the end of the silent auction. ‘Oh no he didn’t,’ I egged them on.
Riccardo found a white hair today to my dismay. He shrugged. ‘Let the old age come,’ he said. ‘It’s a good excuse to get fat and drunk.’
My only wish is that I had a second cell phone to send a picture of both our cell phones stacked neatly on our wallets next to each other.
The mix of buffet wine and sleeplessness led me to daydream I was inside of a tetris block. I woke up minutes later in the elevator.
The lady cut a guy in a sedan. He got out. She locked her door. ‘I wrote down your license number,’ he said. She sped off, lights still red.
I put my own coat down at the warehouse sale. The lady across the clothes bin reached over. ‘You going to buy that?’ she asked.
He took the air conditioning unit for a walk down Broadway, dragging it behind him with a rope and a grimace.
‘It’s raining out,’ she told him, the only guy in the elevator not wearing a raincoat. ‘That’s OK,’ he said. ‘Obama won.’
I’ve never seen so many hungover New Yorkers smile as widely as they did this morning. Thank you voters. Thank you for 24 hours of euphoria.
Eight years ago I woke up to a nightmare. This morning I woke up to vote. Sweet dreams.
The tea bag’s string caught on his teeth. ’ This reminds me of the time I got that tampon stuck in my teeth.’ ‘When you were born?’ I asked.
Before heading out, he had another cassette tape for us to listen. ‘Hold on, you have to hear my Korean rendition of Ave Maria in 2x speed.’
I loved my costume, but balancing a hollow box over my drunken head for 8 hours proved detrimental to my neck. http://tinyurl.com/62ogjq
I guess no one got the irony of me dressed as a CCTV camera singing karaoke of I’m turning Japanese at this gay bar. I got your picture.