October 2008
30 posts
It takes him three minutes to fix the watch: thirty seconds to open it and replace the battery and the rest of the time to admire its gears.
Asleep on the train, his comfort got the best of him. He gave a mid-dream kick and flung his shoe out onto the station. The doors closed.
She started to jog in the rain, took a few strides forward, ran in place, but then decided her pink velour track suit just won’t do at all.
I am tied up in an Irishman’s bed, laughing nervously because though I know that I’m wrong, I keep thinking the safe word is ‘Potato.’
The manscaped thugs showed off their colors, black and coral. ‘We can go to my basement,’ said one. ‘But we gotta clean up after ourselves.’
Sleeping with you is a ballet of 2 sea cows feigning as swans. I await your snores to begin writing, to not wake you with the phone’s light.
‘Pinstripe pants, paisley tie, and a clever hat. French scholar?’ he asked. Last time he guessed me a student. Before that, that I was lost.
I just turned a quarter century old. Life’s greatest highlight so far? Cooking bacon while receiving fellatio. Worst? When the pan slipped.
Amidst our discussion on the economy and politics, he turned around on the stairs, looked down and asked me, ‘Did I just fart on your face?’
East West bookstore’s new energy saving hours were noon to 9 pm, and not printed in the large banner hanging above the brightly lit window.
On this episode of awkward play time with my nephew we find our hero chased by the 7-year-old yelling ‘Ride me, uncle. Ride me like a pony.’
The security alarm downstairs rang at 7, then 7:15, 7:20 and so forth. ‘That burglar is incompetent but he sure is determined,’ he tells me.
I didn’t give my seat to the old lady. I gave it to the kid with the Lion King DVD instead. She made a show to rearrange her shopping bags.
After the Outlook training they encouraged us to send random anonymous emails for practice. ‘You stink,’ said mine. Hatemail is ingrained.
At the Korean bakery, he waited for a response. I stared at the checkout screen and he switched over to English. ‘$2.25.’ A modest dinner.
He cruised me for four blocks up Broadway, whispered ‘sexy’ in my ear, and watched my breath turn haram as I ate the street side hot dog.
On our afternoon tea he admitted he played his Xbox all weekend during daddy sleepover. ‘I hid it in the basement before the kids got back.’
I plugged the mouse hole with steel wool. Now instead of darting back and forth into my room, the vermin scuttle fearlessly beneath my bed.
I asked what the crowd is usually like at Madonna concerts, her third this week. ‘Are they Chelsea boys? UES Moms?’ ‘Trannies,’ she replied.
‘Do you sing to work every morning?’ I ask. ‘Every morning. How else can I remove the image of that lady jumping in front of the train?’
My stomach teased by Banksy’s Village Pet Store and Grill, I headed over to Gray’s Papaya for their $3.50 two hot dogs and a drink special.
‘Happy holiday,’ I told her. ‘There’s nothing happy about what I’ll have to atone,’ she said
The flu shot assembly line was briefly halted when the nurse wasn’t able to roll my shirt sleeves all the way. Off went my fur lined vest.
The conductor opened the doors and let us walk the tunnels to the nearest station. The crazy man had it worse than the guy with the baby.
I led the drunk every step of the way, from his stumbled entrance onto Atlantic’s platform, to his exit at Franklin St, by keeping silent.
We crashed a birthday party at a gay club in Woodside, empty at midnight except for a lonely pink cake in the middle of the dance floor.
A sick day just happens to be the best kind of day to launch a drag queen cooking website such as http://sukisukicooks.com
This ER smells of blood and shit covered with bleach. And here I am sitting between bedrested elderlies on their last breaths as I complain.
I headed back after hours to the office for a change of socks. A professor watched me leave & shook his head. ‘I hope you’re paid overtime.’
When the fire alarm went off, the professors emeriti on the fourth floor were the first to reach the stairs. We got out half an hour later.